But I don't want to grow up!

Because then I'll lose the magic.


Well, 2 months into unemployment and I must say that I'm ready to get back to it. Damn good thing I did invest as wisely as I did because even with my upcoming taxes and after realigning my credit I'll be able to do pretty much what I want, as long as I'm not stupid about it. I gave myself 2-3 months to relax and realise what it's like to be in the human race again and now I've woken up and seen enough to tell me it's time to leave. Move to the coast perhaps? Again the throngs of humanity press ever outward and the creek flows ever muddy now with the erosion of wilderness upstream by names like Cat and John. I cry for the Goddess that dwells there and I wish I could take her with me to the ocean and set her free. But that is not the way it works for she is as tied to that babbling little brook as the adjacent firs are to the ground underneath them. Indeed she is as tied to them as the water itself for the roots of the giant dougs' can be seen stretching dozens of yards to the edge of the banks and down to drink the nourishing liquid and listen to her tinkling, bubbling laugh.

So why the lack of Spirit? Why the malaise when with my new found "freedom" I should feel on top of the world? Because there is a hollowness, a void where there should be sunshine and a general fuck it attitude, and it's not just me because others are reporting the same thing. Formless anticipation for an earth shattering event I can't pin down or even begin to utter my suspicians about. Heh and not like I'm the first one out there thinking that, eh?

So at the "middle" age of 48 I feel I'm suddenly set adrift. No, not suddenly, for in all truth the Gods have me for some time now and it took this to set gears in motion. And I'm left with some very serious decisions to make. Namely, what to do with the rest of my life? This will be my last career move "I hope" so I want to be sure I enjoy my job. Should I go the Spiritul route? Devote to clergy? I don't know. (Theres my mantra again!)actually, I'm just not enough of a huckster for pulpet work. I would rather be watching things than showing other people how to see.

Ah well. Thats right Dick Levy once again I hear the taunting strains of the words you gave me as mine and again I wonder how I can further the plans the Gods made for me when that tag line (or epitath) reads

"I don't know"?