2:41 am

The house is quiet. Blissfully quiet. Therese lays gently snoring. Shhhh, Our secret.

You see, I have my sister and her "Ol man" Dave over each w/e and I love em to death but between them and the constant flow of folks around us I cherish these too few minutes of solitude more than you know. Thanks to the 18' tall barrier they erected I barely notice the freeway less than 80' from our apartment now.

Unwrapping the one thing that almost comes close to sinful pleasure I am ovecome by the floral bouquet of so many perfumes I am amazed man can create the smell I inhale. Surely Acid Cigars will be my undoing heheh!!! This is the Earthiness. A 4.5 buck stick of forgetfulness for me. for the flavors transportme to anther place. Oh truly The Gods are kind to me this w/e!!!! 1 Henry Weinhard NW Trail left. the perfect compliment!

You know, THIS is all I ask for in life. To be able to afford a modestly priced cigar and a med shelf beer.

But then I hear NO in the back of my mind. No time to lose!

And that confuses me because I don't know what the urgancy is related to or what teh goal is.

"But now is not the time."

WTF!!? what the hell does that mean? Time for what? Why do these kind of things flash through my mind ALL the time!? Even in my slightly buzzed ok, really buzzed state these questions still echo in the recesses. If I'm drinking to stop them? It ain't working. People ask why I'm up at this hour. Because of an unanswered question. A question that has no answer. One that hasn't come to fruition yet. I am viligent in "a quest for something that han't been thought of yet" is the answer I hear.

Oh well since you put it THAT way!! The zen of it doesn't escape me and yet still it would be grand to know the WHY of it much less the WHAT!?

Heh! Welcome to the fucked up recesses of my mind.

But then as I relight the peppery floral punch of the cigar I am reminded that it was I that ultimately made the choice to walk this Path to its conclusion no matter what it is and I smile and thank my Gods that despite my confusion, at least I don't walk around in a fog any more. At least I know there IS a question to be answered now. Perhaps not BY me. We shall see.

Peace